The Challenges of Divorce

One of the biggest lessons I learned while going through my own divorce was the one about what you can and can't control. Although you have previously had a lot of influence over your, soon to be, former spouse, most people realize how little control they truly have as the divorce process gets extended and more conflictual. The best advice I received was to control what I could, i.e. myself. Take the high road when possible, and bite my tongue on many occasions. In other words, don't send the nasty email response until you are really sure it will help resolve your differences. In the heat of the moment we often say things that we regret or that fall on deaf ears because we are too harsh, too critical, and not open to what the other side has to say. Slow down and take a deep breathe before letting your soon to be ex ruin your day.

Holidays and Divorce

The Holidays can be hell or they can be memorable. What do you have control over this season, and what do you want to remember in 2010? Create your memories for your family the way you want them this year. Perhaps you will want to start a new tradition or better yet, get rid of the ones you hate. The choice is yours. It is your families' experience to control, you don't have to do what your former spouse likes to do for the holidays. You can create your own traditions.

Holidays and divorce

Can you celebrate with your former spouse in the room? Some families are able to open presents together, others are not. What does it take to sit in the same room with your former spouse? It takes you being able to see the good side of them again, and it takes their ability to do the same thing.

Holidays

Holidays can be tough, but it's important that you keep the conflict away from the children. Instead of lamenting that you don't have the kids on Thanksgiving or Xmas, try taking care of yourself (instead of taking care of them). Make sure that you have a support system of adults that can ease your pain. Another approach is to try looking at the holidays as a chance to start your own traditions, spend time with the kiddos and spend time with adults (sans kids)!