Divorce Coping Basics

What is the number one issue between divorcing couples?

I believe that control is the number one issue in any relationship and it becomes particularly clear to see when that relationship is falling apart, i.e. a divorce.

How do control issues affect the divorce process?

How you act in the divorce process can ultimately determine what the outcome is. If you expect the courts to decide your future by asking the judge to make the decision, you've given the judge the ultimate control. If you take control of yourself and your behavior, by trying to do the best job you can as a parent, you maintain that control over yourself and you can influence your families' future. Remember you can't control your former spouse, but you can control your reaction to the divorce process. You can also have influence over the process. You can choose how you would like to present yourself and your ideas. Do you present these in a positive or negative manner? Do you try to force change or do you negotiate change? Do you act in a cooperative manner or an adversarial manner? Do you make yourself open to compromise?

How can I limit the negative effect that control issues can have on my divorce?

One of the best ways to limit the negative aspects of divorce is to pick the right type of lawyer for you. Work closely with that lawyer so that you are jointly managing the process. Have a good therapist, whether it is a psychologist, a rabbi, a minister or a priest. Stay healthy. Work out. Take care of yourself. Don't over-indulge, don't under-indulge. Don't be sleep-deprived. Don't become maniac or throw yourself into work 24/7. Try to be as emotionally and psychologically healthy as you can to limit the negative effect that control issues can have on your divorce.

PEACE: It doesn't mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm, focused, and steady.

CastleRockRadio.com

Tune in every Friday at 11:00am to www.CastleRockRadio.com to hear "Life After Divorce". This internet radio show has topics specific to divorce and offers free advice for families going through the divorce process. You will hear from attorneys, mental health professionals, financial specialists, and real estate experts. You can also visit the archives and discover the shows that are most helpful to you.

The Difference Between Cognitive and Emotional Biases - Morningstar Advisor

The Difference Between Cognitive and Emotional Biases - Morningstar Advisor

Is the grass greener? Divorce expectations matter.

"Look Before You Leap"
The Unexpected Consequences of Divorce
by Michele Weiner-Davis

"When people divorce they have visions of better lives. Old problems will vanish, they hope, as new dreams take their place. These dreams usually include meeting candidates for more intimate relationships, more compatible sexual partners, improved financial status, more freedom to pursue personal goals and new opportunities to make independent choices. These dreams frequently do not materialize, creating a whole new set of problems. Even when desired changes do occur, they are not without unintended consequences. "

People are happier when they have realistic expectations about divorce.

Book Signing Children of Divorce

I will be hosting a book signing on September 11th from 1:00 - 4:00pm at the Borders bookstore in Arapahoe Crossing shopping Center. I am launching a children's book titled, Mommy and Daddy are Getting Divorced. It's a re-together book for parents and children that will help children understand divorce and help parents see divorce through their children's eyes. Kristine Turner, Ph.D.

Mediation

Join the Divorceteam this week on Friday at 11:00am on CastleRockRadio.com for a discussion about Mediation during the divorce process. The pros and cons of mediation, the legal system, and the courts.

CastleRockRadio.com

Tune in every Friday at 11:00am to www.CastleRockRadio.com to hear "Life After Divorce". This internet radio show has topics specific to divorce and offers free advice for families going through the divorce process. You will hear from attorneys, mental health professionals, financial specialists, and real estate experts. You can also visit the archives and discover the shows that are most helpful to you.